Rumors

AAAAHHHHHH!!! I’VE BEEN ACCUSED!!! OF WHAT? … keeping a dirty house in the ghetto while being an evil witch who consorts with a demon entity in my home, but it doesn’t end there. Apparently my bestie is a female named Will and my fiance is a closet gay man who keeps a Cerberus in the basement. ***By the way Cerberus was totally me, truth is I own three dogs not a three headed one. Ya know, gotta make the gossip juicy.***

I know rumors are just away for people to not focus on the cracks of their own life mirror since all truths come out eventually and karma will be served ice cold. But sometimes a little birdie blesses one with tea about yourself and you can’t help but laugh at the bullshit when it’s so far out there with a wrong turn.

The crazier part are the people who are actually saying these things about my life, I wonder if they actually believe the shit they say or are they really just pathetic annoying pimples on life’s ass. POP! POP! EWWW, BIT!

Though, part of me is a little sad that I could not fulfill my part in the rumors, simply because of just how awesome it would be.

Now it’s pretty easy for me to imagine smiting salty bitches with magical lightening bolts from hell and making them shit rainbows outta their asses. In fact, some days I wish it would happen, but rolling around the “ghetto” with a demon riding shotgun, a gay fiance sitting in the back with a female named Will, people are putting a lot of faith in my abilities to lead that kind of life. Talk about next level street cred and movie deals.

CREEPER LEECH a Real Shit Stain

Recently, my boyfriend and I let a friend(F) rent a room in our house because of a sudden life situation that arose with a baby momma(BM), whom at the time he was living with. He needed something quick and decided he would move in with us. Yes, unbeknownst to us he made a decision to move into our new home one sunny day. As we are decent people too an extent, we were not about to let a friend be homeless, plus the sob stories about being abused by his BM hit us hard in the feels.

I mean after listening to F speak about his BM, I was fucking mad that such heartless horrible woman existed on this planet and could treat a human being with such disdain. Plus, he told us what she thought about us. At the time I was like really BITCH, your ass don’t even know me and I’m always nice when you come around. Needless to say we were 100 percent on F’s side at this point. We sat down and discussed rent and everything included, rate was lower than what we would normally charge someone due to his situation. We really wanted to help him get on his feet.

Being emotional we both forgot how things went down before with every other lady friend F has dated in the past few years. Which consisted of buttering up a woman, playing the victim all the time, from all angles, and leeching off people. No surprise that these relationships don’t last and F’s knocking on our door looking like a puppy sitting in the rain.

During the sad stories and crocodile tears falling out of F’s face my conscience poked it’s head out just long enough to scream, “Remember the creeper leech of before who put a ass print in your couch, virus on your computer, and fucked up your boyfriend’s score on Call of Duty!!!”

Of course I silenced the nonsense because there was a baby is involved this time and F was feeding us all that good bullshit we needed to hear to help his ass. So we were sure that this time was gonna be different and his big daddy pants would be pulled up so high that an ultimate wedgie only a God could pull out would ensue. (In my best Trump voice) WRONG!!!

We found out pretty fast that F is incapable of adult communication. In fact, just  adulting in general was such a far fetched ideal to him. One part of his weirdness is that he would lurk around the house, kinda like a living ghost but with a weird creepier vibe. For example, you could be washing dishes then feel something behind you, no one is there when you look but then F will suddenly appear next to you when you look back at what you doing. All the while not saying a word making the moment more awkward but F is okay with the awkwardness cause F does not like to be alone.

Moving on from the creep factor, within a month this asshole is complaining, to anyone who will listen, about how people keep taking advantage of him and how living with us is not helping him cause friends should not charge friends rent, the rent was too high, we were mean to him, our dogs bothered him, etc. etc. Keep in mind he refuses to talk to us about the grievances for some reason. Lucky for us friends tell friends about bullshit, so when I heard through the grapevine about the diarrhea coming outta F’s mouth, I was shocked and a little hurt. He, after all, blindsided us with the friendship card for immediate shelter due to hard times that suddenly popped up in his life and was putting his creeper stank all over my home.

So we ended up having a sit down with F to make it very clear that no one was forcing him to live here and that getting his own place was the goal. During the conversation F looked completely lost in the sauce and made it clear he didn’t understand why we charged him rent anyway, because in his mind it cost us nothing for him to live with us. This blew my mind all over the kitchen walls since F wasn’t contributing anything and getting him to paid rent in full and on time was like pulling teeth. Literally everything was provided by us (groceries, toiletries, furniture, etc.) with the exception of his clothes which BM provided. Finally the temporary amnesia had wore off and we knew F was nothing but a victim of his own stupidity and his “hard times” were self-inflicted.

I’ve never done this to my friends who have helped me in the past through my hard times. Grateful and blessed were the feelings I felt to toward those who helped me. I simply could not understand what was going on in F’s mind.

Too make matters worst F was now talking to one of my close girlfriends. Now, as a friend it is important to tell a bitch what she needs to hear and not what a bitch wants to hear. And GODDAMMIT BITCHES were warned about the mine field ahead with the creeper leech!!! I mean a damn zebra can’t change it’s stripes, but you can tell a blind person what the hell is in front of them. Right?

Needless to say F did as F does and fucked up. For starters you don’t fuck with your living situation before another one is secured, but believing his homelessness would open the door and legs of a caring woman other than his BM he threw his supposed best friend (my boyfriend) under the bus for sympathy points with my friend…sadly it worked. Fortunately, the idiot was trying to live a double life, as we later found out, running between BM and my friend for a bed to sleep in and food to eat. Sad but true. The bag of cunts had been lying to and talking shit about everyone for freebies.

Anyway, the moral of all of this is when the little voice inside peeps out and screams “LOOK, IT’S A DUMB ASS CREEPER LEECH!” You need to listen to avoid being used and slandered by an asshole for their own gains, just run for the hills and let that motherfucker starve.

October Eyeball Treats

Every October brings a special time in my life, Movie Marathons and seasonal snackage galore. I love setting up for these frightful cinematic adventures with ghost, ghouls, and weirdos.  My pores literally excrete excitement from the anticipation of getting to binge watch some of my favs.

***Reminder to self: make sure all night lights are working***

This years October Movie Fest will include:

  1. Army of the Darkness
  2. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987)
  3. Poltergeist (1982)
  4. The Amityville Horror
  5. Nosferatu
  6. Addams Family
  7. Casper
  8. The Craft
  9. Halloween
  10. Nightmare on Elm Street
  11. Hellraiser
  12. Nightbreed
  13. Child’s Play
  14. Skeleton Key
  15. Dolly Dearest
  16. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
  17. Sinister
  18. The Ring
  19. Grudge
  20. Ghostbusters
  21. Pumpkin Head
  22. Omen
  23. 28 Days Later
  24. Beetlejuice
  25. Exorcist (1973)
  26. Trick or Treat
  27. Darkness Falls
  28. Practical Magic
  29. Hocus Pocus
  30. The Kiss (1988)
  31. Dead Silence
  32. Little Monsters (1989)
  33. Jeepers Creepers

Grab your popcorn, candy corn, hard ciders, and spices and let’s get these films rolling..